Hi you,

Happy birthday to my loveliest wife. This is the first of what will be a lifetime of letters from yours truly, Mrs. Choi-So. As I am slowly settling into this new identity, I can’t help but find myself constantly reflecting and trying to make sense of what it truly means to be your wife. What does it really mean to be married these days, anyway?

It seems the answer depends on who you ask. To many, marriage is indeed just a piece of paper, something unnecessary and to just skip altogether. Or something to get into when it’s convenient, for status, or for the comfort that comes with the deceiving belief that one will not be growing old alone. Or something that comes with an emergency exit when the ship starts to sink.

In the brief five months that I’ve been married to you, I can already feel myself stretching and growing in ways I never knew I could. While on the surface life doesn’t seem all that different, internally my world and frame of mind has shifted drastically, and these changes have provided me so much of our marriage’s unique meaning. Our marriage is infinitely more than a title or a legal status. Our last name is so much more than just a name.

For context, you’re the one and only person in the entire world who encompasses enough love and patience in your heart to effectively handle my nonsense. And I know I come with a lot of nonsense. In some ways, our marriage might have brought more of it to the surface, but I digress.

You extend an enormous amount of grace and kindness to me even in times when I do not deserve it. You’re the epitome of what sacrificing for the greater good looks like, as I have seen you over the last two years sacrifice your body, time and well-being to help those you love achieve our dreams.

To be around you and your love day in and day out as your wife is the greatest blessing I’ve ever known and experienced. You provide such a center of gravity for me that anchors my soul. And you’ve given me a safe haven to slowly put down my guards, guards that have been fortified over a lifetime. You’ve provided me with a home.

You are in every way a part of me - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That means when I hurt you, I am essentially hurting myself. It means there is no you, and there is no me, there is only we. Most importantly, it means your happiness is the precursor to my own happiness. It truly feels as though when God created me and designed the life I will live, the thought process was something a little like this:

“Maggie, you need to learn many things, and I will teach them to you. In order to do that, I’m going to have to bang you up a bit. Just break your spirit here and there and fracture your heart quite a few times. But don’t you worry, because when they’re completely shattered and irreversibly broken, I will provide you with a new and improved spirit and an even better heart in the form of your wife. Because only then will you truly appreciate and learn the lessons you needed to learn in this life.”

And that essentially sums up with it feels like to be in a marriage with you - like a brand new lease on my soul, and our union creates the rhythm that my new heart now beats to. And a new world of learning that not everyone has the chance to experience.

And while I’ll likely be searching for the meaning of our relationship for the rest of our lives, in between all the ebbs and flows as part of this ever-changing world, there are some things that I know in my core that will remain true throughout. And that is I fully intend on growing old and wrinkly with you. And when the day comes when they lay my body to rest, I plan on laying forever in the grave right by your side, and if the universe allows, I will search for you and make you my wife (or husband) for all my future lifetimes.

Lastly, thank you from the depths of my heart for all your sacrifice for us and for giving me the best gift on earth, the opportunity to be a mother. I cannot wait to do this motherhood thing with you.

All my love,

Mags